Shifting the Servant Mentality of the Light-worker / Healer
How being OF SERVICE not IN SERVICE allows you to stay re-charged, present and at full gifting power
Calling all light-workers! Teachers, healers, therapists, mothers, fathers, friends – basically anyone who cares about or for other people.
All those folks who provide hand-holding, lend a shoulder to cry on, are a guiding force; those that mentor, facilitate, teach and lead by example.
You are light-workers. Those called to serve others through many different ways – the most importantly being the way you live and interact with the world.
The difficulty is that most of us are getting burnt out, not able to operate at full power and sometimes struggle to get by in our own lives. The reason? We have twisted our calling to be OF SERVICE to others to being IN SERVICE to them.
As a result, we put ourselves second, our bodies become unhealthy, our minds dull, our moods dim and our energy is always given out, with very little coming in to re-fill us. What if there was a different way to serve?
One where the gifting to others came from the overflow of your already full tank – not the last drips you have at your disposal? How do you know if you are operating under servant mentality with your gifts? Let’s play a game to find out!
Do you feel depleted and exhausted after being around other people?
Do you feel like you are banging your head against a wall – trying desperately to show people a better way that they don’t ever seem to choose?
Do you force change on others?
Do you struggle to put yourself on your to-give-to list each day?
Does your body feel painful, tired or heavier than you would like it to?
Do you get angry when others refuse your help?
Do you struggle to charge for your healing services?
Do you get so filled up by others receiving your care/services that it is more than enough in payment yet struggle to pay for what your body needs month after month?
Do you get mired in the heaviness and stickiness of people’s problems?
Do you take things on from others and carry it for them?
Is helping others more important than taking care of yourself?
If the answer was yes to any or ALL of the above then the servant mentality of the light-worker is at play in your world.
Now – this is NOT a wrongness!
It is amazing that you are called to serve and have the gifts to do-so.
How many of you cringed at the thought of giving up your ability to help others? As if the only way to take care of you and to operate on a full tank is to turn your back on your calling?
It’s not that at all… You just require a shift in your perspective (and perhaps deeper clearings of stuck mindsets/behaviors) that have you being IN SERVICE to people as opposed to being OF SERVICE to them.
Here’s an example:
Imagine a waiter who comes to your table and asks “How can I be OF SERVICE to you?”
Notice he doesn’t have the point of view that he is a servant or a slave. He is at work. He’s receiving money for his time. He can take breaks. He is there to gift and ‘serve’ you but not in a ‘servant way.’ Practice time!
Start to notice when the ‘yes’ answers to the above questions come up for you.
Where you leave you and your body out of the moment and ‘feel’ it later. Where you refuse money, energy and connections. Where you refuse that inclusion and re-fill would make your healing work easier, more fun and perhaps spread it more widely and organically into the world.
Start to choose differently. Put you first. Stop being a servant and IN SERVICE to others. Shift into the gift of being OF SERVICE and see what self-peace, energetic re-fills and possibilities begin to emerge! STILL A STICKY SUBJECT? I’m holding a special online class on Un-doing Servitude: Becoming the Master of Your Reality on September 29th where will be clearing deeper layers of this twisted phenomenon, shifting broader perspectives and catalyzing the creation of YOUR REALITY with your healing abilities. For more info on how to join visit here:LaurenPolly.com/servant-master
What if being kind to YOU and the demand to include yourself in your life choices was the fiercest choice of all?
Here’s an amazing – and far reaching! – conversation about creating true kindness, the lie of being nice, avoiding the drama of finding your individual self by choosing against others and the what gets created when you include yourself in your life choices… Just click the image below to play.
Fierce Choices: Creating Kindness by Choosing for you… LaurenPolly.com/fired
How much bigger would you like your world to be?
Creation of a life that works for you
Most of us are living a smaller life then we are capable of creating.
The symptoms of small living show up in a variety of ways: lack of money, relationships that don’t work, body issues, constant stress and tension, feeling unfulfilled, stagnant progress…
These can be halting and debility or simply an invisible tether that adds extra drag and slows your forward momentum. What creates this small living? Decisions you make of what you should or need to be for others that outweigh what you would like to be for yourself.
Judgments that densify your space and weigh you down.
Blinders that keep you from seeing yourself in all your creative brilliance and uniqueness.
The stops and starts that keep you from using what you’ve got to create consistently, freely and in a really fun, powerful way. Take a second to ponder: What bigger world would you like to create for yourself?
One where there are no limits? You have enough money? Your relationships are fun and play-based? Your body is healthy and vibrant? Your day is filled with activities you love and people you enjoy? What bigger world would you like to be a part of?
One without judgment? Based on kindness? More connected, allowing, peaceful and filled with possibilities? Where everyone was uniquely them and valued for it?
Creating money, health, relationships, expansive living and sustainable elements to your life comes from the willingness to create a future that is congruent with the big expansive being you actually are.
Bonus – more of us choosing this will have a ripple effect in the world and what could be different then?! Start the exploration process with these questions: What works for you? What’s unique to your desired quality of living? What possibility would you like to be and offer this world?
From there: Acknowledge you have a bigger ask – the world you desire may be bigger then what other are choosing and what you have chosen in the past. What’s the future you truly desire but have not dared to ask for before? What have you dreamed about but thought was out of reach? What do you know is possible that others don’t? What if you could create and have all of that with ease? Acknowledge you have more ways to create what you desire then you may think – we all have crazy capacities that we can draw on at any given time. Unfortunately, those capacities go untapped, unexplored, unclaimed and underutilized a lot of the time. If you were willing to explore, cultivate and use your capacities what life, living and future could you create? How much bigger would your worlds become then?! I’m kicking off a 14 Day exploration Creating with Your Crazy Capacities July 1st (this Saturday) where we will unlock all of this and more!
Check out the class page for more information on all the creative possibilities HERE
Here’s to ease, joy and a bigger world for all of us!
I felt alone during the years I lived with bipolar depression. There is nothing easy about the reality of living with mental illness but from my perspective the most difficult thing to deal with and move past is the isolation.
No one seems to understand you. Even you don’t. You aren’t sure what is wrong – just that something doesn’t feel right. You can’t quite find the words to express it and may lack people who are willing to truly listen.
This leads to so many people struggling silently. The fear of being judged and the current stigma around mental illness doesn’t encourage people to speak up and get help. Our sense of isolation grows in the silence.
The greatest relief for me came when I found myself on a counselor’s couch. She was patient, non-judgmental, she knew when to speak and when to listen, she didn’t try to fix me, she didn’t label me. She just held space for all the upset, confusion and fear I had been living with to come out and be released.
I had struggled silently for months before this tipping point came; trying to figure things out on my own, afraid to speak up, not sure of what to say…
I looked for comfort, hope and clues all around me but came up short. I was unequipped to deal with it and things got very bad, very quickly. I felt utterly alone.
When I first started to write my book, The Other Side of Bipolar, someone gave me the wise advice of starting with a letter to myself at the height of my illness.
‘With everything you have been through and what you know now – what would you say to that 14-year-old girl to help her through it?’
Here is the letter that came out… I hope it brings any of you who are struggling relief, hope and most importantly the awareness that you aren’t in this alone. You’re not alone. I know it seems like the end; like it isn’t worth it to keep going. As if there is nothing on the other side of this pain, embarrassment, shame, anger and confusion you feel. That you can’t possibly survive it. That there is no hope for coming back, for changing or being like the happy people you see around you. The sadness is suffocating. The confusion can spin your head. You may feel like you are losing grip on reality. That you are going crazy. That there is something really wrong with you. Try as you may, you cannot shut out the pain. It is hard to see past it. It seems that it will never get better—that there is no hope. You may think the world will be better off without you. You may think that you are so insignificant that your absence will not be missed, that life will go on and no one will even remember you. But what if you are important beyond measure? What if your absence will rob the world of what only you can offer it? What if the bullies, the judgmental people, the hate and sadness in this world aren’t more real or true than your kindness, gentleness and hope? I am here to let you know there is a possibility for your life far beyond what you can see right now. There is freedom from this pain.
Today is World Health Day and Depression is the chosen focus. More than 300 million people are dealing with Depression on a daily basis in the U.S. You truly aren’t alone in this struggle and with any luck more information, awareness, tools and possibilities will be created for you to move past it. Just as I have.
I’m holding a FREE online workshop on How to Quiet the Mind next Wednesday.
Beyond Loneliness – Are you a part of something bigger?
One of my favorite ‘coming of age’ movies is Sabrina. It’s the story of a reclusive girl who is lives a lonely life, kept company only by her fantasies. One day she gets sent to Paris on an internship. She struggles initially and reacts with her old patterns of withdrawing from the world and seeking solace in her mind. There is a change point for her which is catalyzed by a brilliant line from her work mentor:
“You seem embarrassed by your loneliness. Don’t be. It is only a place to start…”
This movie – and particularly that one scene – was a great companion to me during my college days.
College was a tricky time for me. I felt alone. Misunderstood. Unable to connect. Isolated. Lonely.
And like Sabrina I was embarrassed by it.
As I navigated this time in my life I was met with many circumstances that seemed to heighten the loneliness. Each time I did that one brilliant movie line would float through my mind. It would play the role of mentor and remind me that this is only a place to start…
Like Sabrina, this line spurred me forth on a journey. If this sense of loneliness was just a starting place then there had to be more to explore, to gain, to learn, to find… This line always filled me with hope. There was something beyond loneliness – I just had to keep seeking it.
Over the years, I sought out many ways to feel connected. I joined clubs, surrounded myself with people, busied myself with activities… I was hoping that all of the outward engagement would make my inner sense of isolation and loneliness go away.
But it didn’t. Some actions distracted me for a brief time but the loneliness returned as soon as I was by myself. Some other situations seemed to magnify the lonely sensation, feeling more alone then ever when surrounded by a room-full of people that I felt out of place with. Certain relationships had me feeling lonely all the time – the way we do when judgment inserts itself into our interactions; building walls to intimacy.
It was only when I started to look past the small busy-ness and to the bigger picture that things changed. I explored mystical religion, yoga, meditation and Access Consciousness® energy transformation. As I did I discovered that when I stopped looking at myself as a small individual and acknowledged me as a part of the universe I didn’t feel lonely anymore.
Interactions became easier. Relationships became more intimate. Connections deepened. I realized I was a part – a vital one – of something bigger.
Truth is we are never alone. We are all connected. We are part of the one and the one all at the same time.
The feeling of loneliness. The need to separate. The desire to pull away. All of these are learned limited behaviors and mindsets that keep us in our smallness.
If you are feeling lonely start to look at the bigger picture.
Is the void of loneliness really a sense of not being connected to the people around you or is it from not acknowledging how the universe sees you, receives you, admires you and IS YOU?
What if you are a part of something bigger, have yet to acknowledge it and that is why you feel there is something missing?
What is beyond loneliness?
You as one with everything….
The true beauty and peace of communion.
I heard a story today. It was about an open water swimmer, Florence Chadwick, who attempted to swim from the Catalina Islands to the coast of Southern California, a 15-mile distance, in the 1950’s.
A thick fog descended mid-swim and obscured her view of the shore she was swimming towards. Unable to see her destination she became fatigued, overwhelmed and began to doubt her abilities to finish the task.
She kept going for a while but eventually gave up and asked to be pulled into the accompanying boats. The fog lifted and she soon learned that she was less than a mile away from the shore, having swum over 14 miles already.
This story speaks to what so many of us go through. The doubt and overwhelm we experience when our vision is clouded and we can’t get a clear sense of where we are and how far we are from where we set out to go. How many times have you given up right before your goal was about to come to fruition? How many times did the last stretch of creation seem insurmountable? How many times have you not even tried because you couldn’t see the entire path laid out before you?
Truth be told we rarely can see the ‘finish line’ in the midst of our path, let alone before we start out. Relationships, businesses, LIFE is more like a swim in a dense fog that lifts for a moment and shows you one or two steps then descends again in an embrace that clouds your senses. So, what it is that sees you through? Trust
Let your inner vision guide you and trust that no matter what you will create it. You don’t need to ‘see’ all the steps to get where you desire to go before you start out or in order to keep going. If you have that view point you may never even start your journey and the desire to give up mid-path may be a constant hurdle you have to overcome.
It’s the trust in yourself, your awareness of what’s required and your willingness to see it through that creates the foundation of your life path. It is like a fuel tank that sees you through when you are lost in a fog or just about to give up. Next time you are struggling ask “If I was trusting me and my inner vision what would I chose here?” Follow your awareness and keep going. Don’t let Doubt Win
Doubt is a huge distractor. It eats up your energy. It keeps you focused on the negative. It freezes up your forward momentum. It kills your creative energy. What causes doubt mid-path? Uncertainty.
Instead of giving into doubt or fighting against it start to become comfortable with uncertainty. If you can gain comfort in not having everything figured or planned out, then the doubt will lessen and your inner compass will strengthen. Your inner vision will become clearer and you will start to see how relying and trusting that is what moves people ahead even when the outside path becomes obscured. Never Stop
My publisher said the most brilliant thing to me yesterday. She was asking about my upcoming workshop and how many people I had attending it. I shyly admitted that in that moment I had only half the registration that I had set out to get. She looked at me and said very firmly, “But you are doing it. That’s the difference that makes someone successful. They just keep going.”
Trust yourself and your inner vision.
Do not let doubt win.
And most importantly never stop being and doing what you love.
It may look different then you expect it to – it often does.
It may show up quickly or take longer to develop then you desire.
It may push you into some uncomfortable spaces in your mind/body.
But just keep going.
P.S. A note about our swimmer friend Florence. Just two months after she gave up close to the finish line she tried it again. The same fog descended mid-swim. This time she didn’t give up. She kept the picture of the shore in her mind as she moved forward trusting that she would get there. And she did.
In honor of suicide prevention and awareness week…
Someone struggling with suicide
How do you help someone who is struggling and contemplating suicide?
When my suicide letter was found, and in the years of struggle that followed, I was met with one phrase over and over again; “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Cognitively I knew this was true however my problems didn’t feel temporary at all – if they were why would I be complimenting taking my own life? All this phrase did was create a sense of invalidation and wrongness in my world. Little change or relief came from any conversation that began this way, which unfortunately a lot did…
What can you be or say for someone who is going through so much angst that suicide is being considered?
1) Acknowledge where they are
2) Create space for them to vent without trying to ‘fix’ them
3) Be a space of non-judgment for yourself and for them.
From there doors will open where real relief and change can be created. Learn more at the workshops
Awakening Your Zest for Life
“Lauren’s contagious laugh and zest for life influence all that cross her path.”
My publicists added this line to my biography recently. It tickled and delighted me. It is a quality that I don’t acknowledge enough in myself yet something that others do over and over again. Thank goodness!
The first time it came up was when I was speaking to a friend about overcoming a certain limitation with my business. There were things I was creating that weren’t taking off in the way I had hoped. They felt dead before I even got them off the ground and when I eventually did there was no interest in them. That energy in my business spread to my life and I became low energy and felt lackluster. Not fun and not me… I knew there had to be an easier, and more expansive, way to create but I just couldn’t access it.
In this conversation my friend acknowledged my zest for life and suggested I infuse it to those business creations. To be honest I was a little unsure of how to do this but I forged ahead, discovering along the way, and voilà! Life was breathed in, interest sprouted and it became fun to create and play again.
How did I infuse zest into my creations? I moved towards my enthusiasm. I spoke to the topics that lit me up. I chose what was light and easy – no more pushing against roadblocks! I created things differently – in my way and not by the standards or formulations of others.
We underestimate the creative power our zest has. What is zest? It’s that which adds flavor, possesses great enthusiasm and energy and has keen enjoyment.
Our natural zest for living, fun, play, exploration and creating is a highly valuable, yet often times over looked, trait. It is a source of great creative energy and a highly desirable quality (as I am finding out!).
If you are feeling lackluster, bored, low energy or are having difficulty creating what you desire I wonder what adding more zest to your life could change?
Watch out for this conclusion trap: Do you think that this is a quality that you don’t possess? It looks different for all of us. It may be a bubbly joy, a sense of excitement, an energy of peace, an expansion of space… Just because your zest looks different than others doesn’t mean you don’t have it. Start to explore what adds zest – flavor, enthusiasm, energy and enjoyment – to your life and creations and go from there.
Acknowledge your zest, ask it to grow, move towards it and apply it to your life in any way that makes you happy. I wonder what you can create from there?
Of Maria Shriver’s Blog– an amazing resource of blogs and articles focused on empowerment, healing and transformational tips.
Well… I have the pleasure of being published and featured on her site and in her social media with an article I penned; 3 Ways to Explore Your Difference as a Gift, Not a Disability.
Check out the article HERE. Let me know what you think and share it on social media.
This is a pre-cursor to my book, The Other Side of Bipolar, which will be released on October 3rd with a special promotional offer – mark your calendars!
Thank you all for sharing in this exciting journey with me – it’s just the beginning! as a result I’ve been invited to write more articles for her and have just booked my first magazine placement as well – Yay!
Here’s to more of the world letting go of self-judgment and embracing their uniqueness as the beauty that it is.
Ease and joy,
The comments overheard at parties, work, school… “It’s because they have a mental illness. That’s why…”Each time I heard this, watched the accompanying eye rolls and felt the undercurrent of fear, I shrank into myself. I would smooth out my hair, stand a bit taller and put on my ‘normal’ smile to hide the truth.
That I have been diagnosed and living with a mental illness for most of my life.
Social stigma is the biggest killer of possibilities for those of us living with a diagnosis. It has been for a long time however recently the conversation has changed. It isn’t simply wacky or disruptive behaviors or self-inflicted wounds but acts of extreme violence that are catching the eye of the nation and adding more stigma to the diagnosis.
It still astonishes me. I’m watching the news, morning with the nation as yet another mass shooting has occurred. Then the conversation turns to the gunman’s mental health – or lack thereof. The feeling of connection I had moments ago with the nation sours into the dread of ‘Am I like them?’
The utterances; “He was bipolar” “Suffering from social anxiety” “Paranoid behavior” bring up those deep seeded doubts. The inexplicable psychic link to these strangers based on sharing a diagnosis is a dangerous thread. In some weird way you see a similarity to them. You allow yourself to be grouped in with them. You start to see their choices as yours, even though they are not.
It is only a handful of people with mental illness that slaughter innocent people. There are millions of Americans living with and overcoming mental illness on a daily basis. They delicately balance their inner worlds with the stresses of life. They that are making conscious choices daily to heal, be productive and find their feet in life.
What if those individuals were the trend setters for mental health – not the few who create violence and grab the headlines with body counts?
And what makes us stand apart from those that allow their mental angst to turn into violence against others?
Our choices create our life and our future. It is the choice on one’s part to seek out help when needed, to be vigilant in our self-awareness, to embody and gift kindness and to seek ways of building peace in our inner and outer worlds that make us different.
These gunmen made a choice. One for destruction.
What choices are you making? Can you acknowledge your difference?
Please do not let the actions of a few classify you as less then you are. Do not let the label you were given box you into behavioral traits that can be changed when you choose to move beyond them. Do not allow the social stigma, fear or misunderstanding of others keep you from living your life.
Stand apart with your choice to be you, nothing less, in all your beautiful uniqueness and to actively create the world you love to live in.